Greetings All,
I was very angry about 3 months ago, with God, with the man I love. I didn't know what to think, what to feel or what to do. So since the weather seemed to be indicative of that dark mood -- rain pelting down, and wind howling, I left my dog behind (I didn't want her to get hurt) and ventured into the storm. I had reached a point where I knew I didn't care what was going to happen. I could be taken, and I didn't care.
I sat on a small mound, opposite a hill and as the rain abated, I screamed at God that I hated him ... I even screamed at my loved one that I hated him. And fearful as ever that I had done something that I would not be forgiven for, the thunder struck not one side, but right around me. It was loud, and rumbled and I could hear God. Yet, knowing (or maybe because of stupidity) that I am one with Her, I screamed and said, 'That doesn't scare me'! And then there were flashes of lightning ... In that moment, I seemed to surrender slightly and voiced, I hate me. I cried and sobbed, and as the torrents let loose in my own Being, the rain came down harder.
As I looked up, I saw 7 sheep all huddled together, taking cover in the sparse undergrowth on the hill opposite me. And I smiled as I remembered how I had told my loved one, that I am a gentle soul, I don't have to be knocked over the head with a message -- the sheep seemed to image that gentle soul. As I continued looking, I wanted to look away (my mind still very adamant that I was not hearing), but a voice said: Just look. As I looked the sun came streaming through the clouds just above the sheep. There was a slight break in the driving rain. And I asked: God, I have asked, and I have asked to see you. But you keep failing me. Where are you? Why? Why are you doing this to me?' Now, I am a rather rational person, so wasn't particularly prepared for whatt happened next -- some might even argue that I had a psychotic episode.
The clouds above the sheep had formed the word IS. And as I watched the IS transformed into God ... cynically I laughed and said: there's no way that you are going to write LOVE across the sky. That's stretching it, even for you ... But SHE did ... the D of God turned into a heart -- yes, not the word LOVE, but a heart. It wasn't left at that though: a face appeared in the clouds, and it was my loved one. I cried and cried .. and I think I am still crying. But I know what happened. I might not always believe it. But I know..
My loved one and I are not on 'good terms' in this time, but I still know ...
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